Funeral

This is no fun.
This weekend my great-grandfather died. My dad is completeley heartbroken, and it really hurts seeing him like this.

A couple of minutes he called me to ask if I am planning on going to the funeral. He's not going, he cannot handle it and have told the whole family and great-grandfather as well that he's not going, and at least great-grandpa accept it and thinks it's okey, so I hope all of the others accept it to.

I didn't know Bertil that much. I think I only met him like five times or something, and I didn't feel anything (except the normal sad feeling when someone-you-know's relative dies) but now when he asked about the funeral it all just fell apart... I started crying. Suddenly everything felt so real... And I don't know what to do. Am I going or am I not?

I've got a couple of days to think about it, the funeral is not until May 21st.

It's not easy...

Update: My mom asked me if I had decided yet wether I'm going or not. Well, since my father called me and asked I have had like two minutes alone thinking of it... So how could I have decided?! Seriously?! Anyhow, my mom gave me until tomorrow morning to think about it. How easy is that?
The thing that bothers me the most is that I don't know what is expected of me. I have no idea.

In some way it feels like it's best to just go, so I don't regret afterwards that I didn't went...

Seriously, I really don't know what to do...